It's only 9:20pm and I'm exhausted. Working full time and being a parent is tiring. I applaud single-parents, I am in a partnership with a beautiful and very active parent. When I say "active", I mean that Daddyman is a full participant in Noodle's childhood, he is not some passerby. MOving on, did I mention how tired I am? We bed-share in our home, and I really wouldn't have it any other way. I appreciate that other families choose to put their children to bed in their own rooms, but I am still waiting for that day when I feel like I can.
I can understand wanting your bed to yourself, needing a time and a place that is your own at the end of the day. I can also understand parent's wanting to foster independence. However, I don't agree! I believe that a child who bed-shares or co-sleeps will be just as independent as one who sleeps in their own bed in their own room.
In some studies bed-sharing/co-sleeping babies breastfeed more, but don't interrupt their parents sleep as much. This is most likely because when baby makes a small noise, Mom put a nipple in the mouth! Also studies have found that Mother's who co-sleep/bed-share tend to breastfeed longer, this I can also understand cuz your not getting up out of bed in the middle of the night.
I should now clarify what co-sleeping and bed-sharing are, because while they are very similar in practice, they are not the same thing, and many people think they are the same. Co-sleeping is when the baby is in the same room as you but in another bed close to their parents bed. So for example a bassinet right beside Mama. This method of sleep is actually recommended by the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics).
Bed-sharing is when baby is snuggled up in bed
with you. The main difference between the two is where baby is sleeping.
Many people have asked me how I managed to look rested when Noodle was very tiny. My answer was always that we bed-share. Now to be honest it didn't start out that way. At first Noodle was in the bassinet right beside my side of the bed. However, I am a very selfish sleeper...as in I hold on to any precious minutes I can get with a very firmly closed fist! So slowly he was staying in our bed for longer and longer periods, as I bought him into bed to breastfeed. I went from sitting up surrounded by pillows with him in my arms, to lying on my side with him snuggled up beside me.
We eventually bought the "saftey first" co-sleeper, and it worked great for us. I was never scared that I would roll onto him, I think Mother's have a 6th sense when it comes to that, I was always to cautious of his tiny little body beside mine. I was however petrified that my "dead to the world" husband would wake up with a Noodleman stuck to his back. So the co-sleeper was on my side of the bed and I pulled him out to nurse and about 50% of the time put him back after. When he got to big for that, we bought a rail and put a cardboard box between it and the mattress and it has been a great barrier ever since (well at least until lately as he has become a real little ham).
When Noodleman was about 4 weeks old, and I was at my wits end with sleep deprivation. I began researching online for tips, tricks and anything to help me figure out what the hell to do with this child. I am not one who can sleep during the day, no matter how tired and I was beginning to fall asleep the minute the sun went down. I came across a link that talk about having a set bedtime routine. The website said to put your child down at the same time for bed every night, even if that meant having to wake them up from their afternoon nap to do so, and then wake them up and nurse (or give a bottle) right before you go to bed. This way they start waking up as you go to bed and then you get a couple extra hours in, instead of them waking up just as your drift off or an hour into your sleep cycle.
And so it began. I put Noodleman down at 7pm, the first night, and woke him up at 10pm. I fed him for about 15 minutes (which at the time was a long feed for him), and then I went to sleep. He slept 4 hours straight. When we got up the next morning, I almost kissed the computer. I did this every night for a week, and after that first week he began waking up by himself around 9:45-10:15, which was perfect for me as I frequently delay bedtime, so it meant I
had to go to bed. After doing this for 2 weeks he began sleeping 5 and then 6 hours straight after waking at 10, only waking for 1 maybe 2 feedings a night. Don't get me wrong, we had rough nights, but when you are getting 6 hours of straight sleep a night, as appose to 2 or 3, one night seems ideal!
When Noodleman was about 6 months and began roaming the bed during naptime, I decided it was time for him to nap in a more secure environment. Weaning him from our bed to his crib was a long and harrowing process! I see nothing wrong with nursing to sleep but the time was nearing when I would have to go back to work and Daddyman would have to put him to sleep. So I thought why not kill two birds with one stone, and put him to sleep in his crib without nursing to sleep. I began this transition knowing it would take time, so I was patient with him and myself.
Naptime always starts with me singing the "Winnie the pooh" song. We would then nurse in the living room about 15-20 minutes before naptime, then we would move to my bed and when he was good and sleeping I would transfer him to his bed. I know all the books say to put them to sleep while awake, but that didn't work for my son! Slowly I began to lessen the time in our bed, but increase the time in the living room, at the same time putting him into his bed while he was still slightly awake. Until one day I nursed for about 20 minutes and then put him in bed awake and rubbed his back for about a minute and he was out! Now keep in mind when I say that this took time, I am meaning it took TIME! It took about 2 months of doing the same thing every day.
From there, I began putting him down in his crib at night as well. We have had the same bedtime routine from the moment I figured out how to make one, so it was easy to incorporate putting him into his bed. Noodle and Daddyman go for a shower about half hour before bed. Noodle likes to be sensory with his dinner, and Daddyman has allergies so it's important for both of them to get clean before bed. After the shower, the whole families grabs some books and head to our bed for storytime. Daddyman reads while Noodle and I nurse, and then when stories are finished we sing "Twinkle twinkle" and "When you wish upon a star". Daddyman leaves and Noodle and I nurse to sleep (sometimes literally, as I pass out too). We have made sure to sing different song and do different things at the different "bedtimes" so that Noodle has an awareness of day and night.
Noodle now has a pretty good naptime and bedtime routine. Some nights he sleeps really well and others he is up all night and I "wake up" needing a huge mug of tea! I think it's to be expected. One thing I think we need to remember as parents, is that these are tiny little beings just finding their way in our world. One of the ways they need to find themselves is through sleep, and when they do what happiness we will find!
